This morning I awoke at a decent hour, had a plumber stop by to fix the kitchen tap, washed every god-damn dish in the house and did my laundry. Then I downloaded the Mass Effect 3 "Omega" DLC and played through that and, finally, I sat down to write this blog entry.
For any other person this might seem just an ordinary, uneventful and, frankly, rather boring day in the life but for me this was a huge breakthrough. You can not even to begin to imagine how happy today made me.
Why?
Because for the first time in almost a year I felt like a fully-functional human being. I got out of bed without feeling as if I was dead on my feet, or wishing I were dead or lamenting my existence. I didn't feel dizzy or nauseated. There was no weight on my chest. Nothing. I detest the use of the word normal - for I never want to be normal - but today was probably the closest I've been to normal in a very long time.
No, scratch that. I didn't feel normal. I felt okay.
Even though I am overweight, in debt, without purpose and falling behind in my own personal goals I could smile. It didn't feel as if the world was crashing down around me nor did I struggle to breathe at the thought of the many obstacles I'm yet to face. There was a brief acknowledgement of their existence but that was it.
The rest of the day was mine.
I won't hold my breath waiting for another day like today. I know that with my condition even the meds won't be enough to make every day perfect but perhaps it's better that way?
What's a perfect day if not unique? Just another day. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go write something fictional and thoroughly enjoy myself in the process!
Au Revoir ~ ♥
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